Thursday, March 27, 2008

2 thoughts...

Identity is the source of most issues... may or may not be in entirety!

Without investigating if its right / wrong (cos I dont believe in such classification!), I am able to decipher that its the WRATH OF LOSERS which rolls up into problems. This wrath may be reasonable, unreasonable, justified, etc, etc.... But, irrespective of everything, it is in the best interest of the game / competition (even life can be the GAME here!) that the design n rules of the game is evolved (not framed!) to address this wrath! Also, it is essential that winners do not embrace ANY IDENTITY OTHER than "Winners"

I have tried to define "Racism" on a generic note, beyond the scope of race. Any view of judgement of a person (or even a thing) about a quality based on criteria not related to that quality is racism!
Eg.s: It is NOT racist to object marrying a gay but it IS RACIST to object working with a gay @ office! Why? cos sexual orientation is IRRELEVANT to the tasks U carry out @ Ur office unless, U work @ a strip club or smilar...

Thursday, October 11, 2007

ONE Hundred days to go... 1 Hundred things to do!

I have many times (not always) wondered (not questioned) why (not how) the number 100 (not 50) is so special.... 100 days @ Box-office, 100 runs partnership in cricket, 100 years of running a firm, 100/100 in Maths test, 100 chocolates to give away on birthday, 100% sure, 100 Rs note, 100 times better than before, H----U---N--D-RED!
To dull this blog, lemme LOGICEXPLAIN why 100 has become significant among humans...

{we have 10 fingers and therefore we picked the number system with base 10. Therefore, the decimal system is easier to follow. Hence, the proof!}ok, watvr...

Not just among accomplishments, but 100 is also picked for countdowns! Yes, 100 days to the World Cup, 100 days to the Annual Exam, etc. U know whats up for me in 100 days? I am buying a new dress for myself! Yes, a brand new dress and probably brand new innerwears too! Not just that... I am going to exhibit my new dress to the world! So, I have planned to invite as many ppl as I know to come and watch me style-show-off in my new outfit! In fact, I have rented out a party hall to accomodate the viewers who are expected to oblige to my invitation of my fashion-show! Oh yeah, am also clubbing my wedding on the same day to add spice to my attire-display day, haha!



In the next 100 days, I have to ...

  1. Follow the countdown to my d-day 
  2. Ensure I dont miss out to invite anyone whom I know 
  3. Enjoy my bachelorhood 
  4. Enjoy my love-phase of life with my gal cos we have only 100 more days to pay huge tele-bills 
  5. Tone-down n brighten-up so that lesser skills of graphics shall be required when my d-day snaps are developed
  6. Manage, shuffle, discuss, oppose, counter, opt, execute, etc of the various viewpoints and ideas of 'how' the fashion-show should be conducted
  7. Pose to plan about married life
  8. Emote to have grown matured by the fear of marriage
  9. Prepare to false-acknowledge each of whom would greet me on d-day
  10. Practice to hold onto that 'perfect' fotografik-giggle between "innum konjam siringa sur" and "pallu theriyudhu saar"
  11. Control temptation to not ask for the 2nd laddoo or 3rd ice-cream when hogging after tying the nuptial knot
  12. Choose between Vaazhakkai bajji and Onion Pakkoda as menu for evening snack-smack
  13. Push to avoid plastics @ the wedding project execution 
  14. Roam around Chennai with my darling to celebrate this thrilling event we have worked towards successfully 
  15. Discuss endlessly with my fiancee about "what", "how", "why", where", "when", "if", "whether", etc on those 'important' issues which we have never cared about
  16. Plan to plan to plan the plan to plan 'plan' of planning to plan the plans of plan to plan
  17. Dot down the list of lists which list the list that need to be listed to list all the lists of lists in the list
  18. Learn the art of 'listening'
  19. Learn the art of 'giving importance' to those due 
  20. Learn the art of 'identifying' those that are due important 
  21. Learn the art of 'showing', 'displaying', 'expressing', 'exhibiting', 'portraying' care, love n affection 
  22. Educate myself strongly that no longer can I escape from the mistakes of forgetting to wish, smile, enquire, explain, narrate 
  23. Understand that emotions are as much meaningful as senses 
  24. Smile everytime I am asked about my marriage 
  25. Blush everytime I am asked if its a love marriage 
  26. Be proud everytime I am asked if its an inter-caste marriage 
  27. Explain everytime about the internet-affair when ppl ask "how did it happen?" 
  28. Ascertain everytime that "it just happened that way" when ppl show a sign of surprise about it 
  29. Boast everytime "yes we are in love for 5 short years and still madly in love" when ppl put a note of doubt about cyber-born-relationships 
  30. Ooze enormous confidence everytime ppl stumble to wish good luck 
  31. Get used to bathing daily 
  32. Acquire the seventh sense called "dressing sense" 
  33. Get certification in the eighth sense called "color sense" 
  34. Lessen my 0th sense called "non-stop nonsense" about Cricket, Jackie Chan, Rajinikanth, Politics, Pschycology, Mind, Animal, etc 
  35. Pressurise a couple of closest friend to make it to my marriage who are in amaaaaaaaaaerika 
  36. Convince my gal that I wear a freaky jean and have a jerky haircut for the pre-events 
  37. Zero-in on the hairstyle for my 'grown-up' 12 n 7 years old nephews 
  38. Decide on the outfits for them 
  39. Get my house white-washed, painted, cleaned so that atleast the house gives a "palitch" appearance to visitors 
  40. Exercise arm-raises daily so that it is easy on the d-day when greeting ppl taking the dias for a capture-moment click 
  41. Sleep without fan often to get used to sweat and still smile continously on the d-day 
  42. Jack the technique of tying the vaeshti 
  43. Master the technique of keeping it stuck to the slipppery hip 
  44. Be aware of how to walk with the vaeshti still 'luckily' holding onto the hip 
  45. Grow resistance to homam smoke to avoid the sinusitis-sneezes which 'could' be counted as ill-luck 
  46. Sit with my gal to design our own invite-card 
  47. Stand with my gal against any issues that may creep in 
  48. Speak with my gal about the endless memories we have 
  49. Run with my gal around the city giving away invites to commonly-known ppl
  50. Hope along with my gal, that everything goes off smoothly 
  51. Wish along with my gal for a ever-smile life 
  52. Dream along with my gal for a no-sorrow life
  53. Drink with my gal all the sweet juices of wishes
  54. Sing with my gal the same notes of happy tones of excitement
  55. Dance with my gal to the tunes of our parents 'no-explanations' advices
  56. Pose with my gal for a few snaps which we may opt to record 
  57. Argue with my gal on big issues 
  58. Fight with my gal on trivial issues 
  59. Pray along with my gal to God that we be blessed to understand each other ever more 
  60. Thank along with my gal to Almighty for what we are today and what we are going to be tomorrow, the day-after tomorrow, 2 days-after tomorrow, 3 days-after tomorrow, 4 days-after tomorrow, 5-days-after tomorrow, 1 week later, 8 days later, ....
  61. Pinch myself if all that is happening is TRUE
  62. Protect myself from the risk of becoming complaceant 
  63. Prevent myself from the foolishness of acting overcautious 
  64. Push myself to keep an eye on every detail 
  65. Alert myself to not miss the bigger picture 
  66. Fool my friends on their request for a treat, hooohooo 
  67. Escape my sis-in-law's demand for a treat, hehe 
  68. Surprise my sis-in-law with a bigger treat when she least expects it 
  69. Narrate to my friends about the surprise treat and make their stomachs burn even more 
  70. Control my mom from over-straining herself 
  71. Convince her that I am controlling her not just for her health but also for the whole family's welfare 
  72. Not get disappointed if she falls ill after all my useless controlling tactics 
  73. Not get frustrated if she doesnt inform me about her illness for some illogical reason of "U dont worry" 
  74. Not get angry if she doesnt tone down her activities even after falling sick 
  75. Convince my dad that his edless ideas for "how to..." neednt be the best right everytime 
  76. Convey to my dad that he has already committed the big mistake(?) of providing enough freedom to me so much that I am in no mood to nod without questioning 
  77. Sympathise with my dad when he isnt able to decide for me, especially on this event 
  78. Admire him for having moulded to a mindset that I wont listen to him 
  79. Find ways to kill time to wrap up these 100 days 
  80. Write stupid blogs like this to relish my mind 
  81. Imagine as if I am a creative poet and write poems like those utterred by Mirchi Siva in 'Chennai 600028' 
  82. Dream that am an excellent blogger and draft blogs like these 
  83. Get thrilled and keep telling myself that am not nervous 
  84. Be enthusiastic and keep reminding myself that its ok to be optimistic 
  85. Not get overhyped and at the same time not irritate my would-be by being dull (enthu levels differ b/n us, hehe) 
  86. Hold my nerve, mind, heart in their places 
  87. Be patient and not be frustrated by the fact that every day has to pass only after 24 hours of 60 minutes encompassing 60 LONG seconds
  88. Be happy for my gal being happy
  89. Ease my parents that things are unfurling at the right pace
  90. Involve my sweet sis in the most happy moment of my life, until now
  91. Relish the momemntum building up for the big event
  92. Enjoy the wishes from all quarters 
  93. Celebrate the air of festive moods in the house 
  94. Soak in the sweet moments of laughter everywhere in the house 
  95. Beat the wet dog in going mad over the event 
  96. Love my gal all the more 
  97. Care my gal all the more
  98. Shower affection on my gal all the more 
  99. Parent my gal all the more 
  100. Live every moment with my gal as if theres no moment anymore....

Am not sure how good this blog-post is... but am proud enough to let you know that I wrote it with the sweeeetest memories of moments I had/have with my gal (click to know about her)!

Monday, July 30, 2007

the dog medicine...

most of us would have heard this story... but lemme spell-phrase again as otherwise my blog would look small :-) A guy (why not a gal?) is pretty frustrated about life. He cribs more than ever and the more he cribs, the worse he feels. He approaches a mental Dr (like an eye dr): sage. He complains how everything and everyone in his life are so bad and that his worth of living isnt > 0. The sage tries to chill down the guy "Dude, kewl it man! Every dog has its day...", etc but in vain. Then, he tries his 'phiolosophy' mode "Life is like banana; it is upto you to eat the skin or the pulp! Mind is like a apple; you can consume it either as it or you can make juice and drink it! People are like umbrellas; they can shelter you from both sun and rain! ...", etc and all it did to our HERO is yawwwwwwnnnn...

So, then the sage used his wits to 'satisfy' our Hero's ego "Take this holy water. This is the right medicine for your illness of distress; but dont forget to NOT think about dogs when you consume it". Our hero was now pretty confident that he is going to live better. Most times, its not the solution that matters but the packaging which sells, haha! And then, he started the medicine course but failed miserably... he had to fail and that was the sage's solution? might it be? everytime, he prepared to consume the medicine, he remembered to forget dogs... ya, he remembered but missed to realise that he has remembered dogs in course of remembering to forget dogs... He could never succeed!

This is the familiar story which everybody must be knowing already! Ok, I have a solution for our hero to 'successfully' follow the medicine course! So, am continuing this story with an extended ending of my own.... Dont look for any morals. Just a bit of quirky thinking, thats it!
So, the guy goes back to the sage and vents his frustration of not being able to follow the course as prescribed. Now, the sage answers "Ok; Looks like that the medicine is too heavy dose for your mental conditions. So, here... Take this holy water. This is the right medicine for your illness of distress; but dont forget to think about cows when you consume it". It worked... in the sense, our Hero was able to follow the course 'successfully'... everytime he remembered to think of the cow and slowly... unconsciously, never missed to 'not remember' the dog!

formal notice to enforce formals....

2day was jus one another of those killing Mondays! I hate Mondays, Fridays, and those days which come n go between those 2 days, hmm... With an ever-usual 'pick-the-topmost-outfit-in-the-shelf' pratice, I wore this 1/2 slack green shirt with minute greenish yellow checks all over. And ho hum, my pant was coincidentally matching (not in terms of look but by color): it was a greyish whitish greenish some-colorish, whatver! I managed to drag I (somewhere I read that there is no word 'myself' in inglipees) to the bus-stop on this rainy day... I was just wondering why I need to tuck in my shirt and wear formal (leather-based?) shoes on a rainy day... I swayed away from these thoughts when Avasara Kozhi 008 (Hello FM 8 AM) Shanmugapriya kicked off her bloh bloh blohs as always with a Thirukkural....

The bus reached office after some delays to the '''wonderful''' (sarcasm, or rather bluntness intended!!!) roads that have some of the best IT offices of Asia or even the world! As I debus (like deplane, detrain), I notice the dirty shoes of most guys... and am proud that I am right in never polishing my shoes :-) The daily routine started as usual... with the official work... the basics... checking mails! Starting off with yahoo (3 mailboxes), hotmail (2 mailboxes), mail, etc and doing a round of what the world was yesterday and would be today on msn, rediff, sify, google, etc and then some random spotting of wikipedia on political history notes and then managing to read carefully every word of articles on cricinfo especially cos India has a strong hold of the Test match in England.... ya ya and then I did logon to my official mailbox, just to ensure that it doesnt get full leading to bouncing of mails which would make it obvious to senders that I dont care a damn to their mails, haha!

Ok, I have finally arrived to the subject:-)I see this mail from our HR as about attire guidelines!!! I wanted to laugh out loud but feared being tagged / spotted as a "hehe". The guidleines points the must to wear full sleeves formal shirts which need to be either solids, pin stripes or checks. Arent all shirts solids? Ive never had the opportunity to see a liquid or gaseous shirt! Whatever... The footwear is 'formal shoes and socks'. I am really interested to know how they would spot the absence of sock(s); also, why worry about sock (inner wear?) when shoes are present when there was no mention about the corresponding of a shirt / pant! Whatsoever! Thats about for Mon-Thu for men. Hmm, so there is no mention about a watch, Thank whichever God you believe in... For fridays, there is a relax (as they consider 'cAsUaL'): collar neck t-shirts, corduary pants, jeans and some variety of shoes too... My question is about the need for collared t-shirts? What is about collar t-shirts? and a peep into the next column (for ladies while I fall under the 'gentlemen', eheh) I do find "collar/round neck t-shirts" ahhaaaa!! again, whatever!

And then, there is a next section which lists "NO-NO" items which comrpises of words like 'flamboyant', 'jingle', 'Extreme fashion', 'see-through clothing', 'low necklines', 'worn, torn, wrinkled', 'Extreme hairstyles', etc. Ukkaandhu yosippaangalo? A couple more which deserve exclusive dissection are 'No visible body piercing other than pierced ears or nose'... so, one can have umpteen piercings on the ear but even the smallest spot on the lip or eyebrow is banned! and about the nose, would it be fine to hang the piercing of the septum? and am very much amused by the mention of the word 'visible'! ok, wherever whatever! And then there was this point 'offensive tattoos are required to keep them covered'... whatever that means? all permanent tattoos are offensive cos they cause so much pain to be drawn out on the body skin. In a very flat wide world, I am just waiting for the day when a HR would run into someone having a tattoo which says "Peace War or Oil Terrorists?"

That was followed by a section which very very very generically speaks about wow wow wow bow bow bow aspects like 'personal hygiene', skirt length, etc. Good there was no mention about the oz of body spray mandated to be used in the absence of the morning shower! whatver! A mention about how violators would be prosecuted completed the 'guideline' document and like most '* Conditions Apply' ads, there was this smaller-font-bold disclaimer that the document was not a policy but just an indicator!!! whatever that means now!

somehow, this document has made me yawn (not that i would have been brisk otherwise) and sigh as always "what(ever) a crap!

Friday, July 27, 2007

tami(zh)la kaappaathungo...

my amma-naakku is thamizh... India has ivvvvvvvvvvvvvloooo languages, avvvvvvvvloooooo customs, ivvvvvvvvvvlooooo castes, etc., etc. So much of diversion. I can bet my arse that I can kick off an argument between any 2 Indians based on some difference: sex, caste, religion, state, language, generation, race, skin color, profession, etc. Ok, now I should obviously follow up with the self-proclaimed not-so-false pride that "We Indians still live in peace and harmony (blah) (blah)...". With all this trailer lines, I wanna write about Tamil, my thaaimozhi....

Tamil is a dravidian language and certainly not a fruit of the Indo-European branch of the language tree... And then, as always. there is some kind of history... like verrry old (kal thondri man thondraa kaalathirku mun thondri... apdeeyae thondi thondi neraya kinaru irukku thamilnaatula), rich grammar, literature like namma thiruvalluvar (this guy is really awesome man! daily 1 blog eludhavae semma kadiyaa irukku enakku. this dude has managed to collate info abt various aspects of life and write 133 blog posts, each having solid 10 points!!!), development of the language by kings n poets, academies, etc.

ok, so wat big deal now? We tamilians are certainly pretty sensitive about the language. Lets not try dissecting the reasons for it but thats how it is. Some pointers are the Hindi baashavukku naama kodutha gooja, etc. There is a constant cries of foul by self-proclaimed (not sarcastic but in the real sense, they are self-proclaimed; they cud be true patriots too, I dunt know!) tamil patriots that the language is being invaded, raped, diluted, roasted, eroded, punctured, polluted, etc., etc. So, my 2day's blog is abt this {oru valiyaa I came 2 the topic. Blog eludhumbodhu, edho Tamil padam mudhal kaatchi maari enakku oru nenappu varum; adhaan, ivlo izhuvai hehe :-)}

so, is there a real threat to the language as such? Yes. But not as much as shouted. To me, anything to sutain the compulsions of time, has to be flexible. My dad has been offlate 'proud' to have discovered (identified?) that the only thing which hasnt/cant/wont change is NUMBERS and I am kind of convinced by his claim. On similar school of thought, a language has to be flexible to accomodate the usage to live. Tamil has been quite successful on this front. But, there is also a case of the language loosing thyself if its too flexible. Tamil has again scored good points in this factor too. So, my view is that Tamil needs to be flexible to accomodate the letters sha, fa, etc. The very idea of measuring the purity of a language by its originality is cumbersome. Like, lets take an example. Tamil has the letter cha but not sa. And there is a very clear mention about the pronounciation of this letter based on its presence in the beginning/middle/ending of a word. It has to be cha (not sa, sha, or nething else) when it starts a word. eg. chennai (cannot be pronounced as sennai). Good rule of grammar I should say... but never is there a rule which says that new letters should not be added to the language. There was no need to utter fa, sha, etc in the days when Tamil grammar was framed and therefore, they are missing. Some tamil (k)aavalar can very well point me if there is any such mention that new letters be not allowed and I shall oblige...

How to negate the threat? Use more tamil words. adhukkaaga senthamizhla urayaatranumnu arthamilla. lets take an example

"innikku morning, kultchi ready aaga late aanadhunaala, bussa miss pannittaen; so, bikeladhaan office ponaen"

I suggest that it be told as

"innikku kaalaila, kulichi kelamba neram aanadhunaala, bussa pudikka mudeela; aproam bikeladhaan velaikku ponaen"

while most tamil (k)aavalars shout that the phrase need to be spoken as

"indru kaalai, neeraadi thayaaraavadharku thaamadham aagiyadhaal, perundhil chella iyala villai; pinbu thullundhildhaan aluvalagathukku chendraen"

When some1 excerts that the last phrase be used, it almost gives a feeling of "oh, cmon now! is that gonna be possible?". So, I suggest that it would be better to advise and encourage avoiding English n Sanskrit n other language words rather than stressing that only senthamizh be spoken. Then, we could aim for senthamizh at a later era.

A few more suggestions:

  • Converse in tamil to answer tele-calls like pizza ordering, credit card companies, etc
  • Converse in tamil in banks, supermarkets, shops, etc
  • Answer in tamil even when questioned in inglipees on roads, bus-stops, public places. Most important is to not reduce your volume by feeling shy!
  • Try convincing aunts and uncles to get their kids fluent in Tamil. Most parents are ready to listen to their akka / anna payan / ponnus than some tamil (political) leader shouting over a mic about the need to teach tamil to children
  • Pick 5 (or how much ever) non-tamil words that you often use daily and try to phase them out of your collochial dictionary
  • Do not ridicule or look down upon people who speak tamil. Especially gals... pls help erase the image (false?) that "Speaking inglipees is kewwwlllllll"

"Udal mannukku

uyir thamizhukku

idhai urakka solvoam ulagirku"

indha alavukkuillanaalum...

koranjadhu, irukkara uyirayaavadhu 'edukkaama' / 'edukka vidaama' kaappaathuvoam!!!

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Project execution: Toilet

RFP from customer:I have this piece of land on the ECR road... and I have managed to build a small hut but with no electricity or sanitation. Need a proposal to meet my nature calls... i mean I need proposal to build a toilet...Mind that I hardly spend time out here (around an hour / month) and it is only for me (i come here alone)

Proposal from IT firm: We, Attagasam IT Solutions, are the best in market in providing toilet solutions. We provide a whole package and have 23 years of expertise in handling different types of toilets. That we are aware of the growing needs for toilets and keeping with the latest trends, we propose the following "complete package":
a) an A/C to keep the toilet-user 'cool'
b) a customizable toilet which can be expanded or shrinked based on user's size of butts and urgency
c) an option to change from western-style to bombay-style to sengal-style
d) a button to choose either paper / water for washing
e) a lever to choose the thickness of the paper if paper was chosen as the option
f) an eco-friendly recycling system to reuse both the water and the paper
g) a perfume spray mechanism to negate the smell of the burgers n pakkodas eaten that day
h) latest ipod system with Bose speakers to 'chill' the constipatinggggg user

The above world class total package shall be done at 1,00,000 $*
* - Any other facilities can be added on the request of the user, at additional cost.

Customer's reply:What??? 1,00,000$ for a toilet?
Attagaasam IT Solutions' Marketing Dept:Actually, you have a got a very good offer since we are designing these packages for multiple clients and everyone is full of praise. We also provide 24X7 support. And I can also get you a free add-on of "Car Parking" facility inside the toilet!
Customer:Car-parking inside toilet??? hmm, watvr. ok go ahead. Atleast, I can boast of the best toilet in the world.

{After hectic schedules, the project is over. Now, its time for UAT - User Acceptance testing}

Attagasam IT Solutions' Project Leader for Toilet Project:So, this is a demo to show the usage of the toilet... Here is the A/C. There is the paper-button, water-lever, iPOD, perfume spray, recycling system, blah blah blah....
Customer: so, can I use it now?
PL: Ya, but U shud get the water connection done...
Customer: What??? Why the hell should I pay for you 1,00,000$ then?
PL: Sorry, but I think you are new to this business... Anyway, we could 'assist' you for the same!

{Water connection is obtained; Customer inspects the facilities...}
--> the A/C has been fitted reverse that it blows cold air outside
--> the iPOD is fixed permanently on the wall that it can never be charged

{Finally, frustrated, the customer looks for the toilet and he isnt able to find it}

Customer: where is the toilet?
PL: There it is {points to the wall}{The toilet has been fitted on the wall about 8 feet from the ground}
Customer: what??? why is the toilet on the wall? It needs to be on the floor? grrrhhhhhhh
PL: {Opens his laptop and points to some document...} See, the requirement doesnt state this. and you have signed off on the requirments... Still, that we would provide maintenance, we can always work out some kinda of stairs / elevator for you to use it with ease!

Toilet Project is contributing 25% of annual revenue for Attagaasam IT solutions every year!

freeya kedatchaa pheneola kooda...

returned frm US. need a mobile in Chn, India. take a prepaid SIm frm my gal... slash it for temporary usage! research (summa reason for time consumed...) for the best connection, n then I have taken a Coporate SCT connection from TelAir {Hehe, names have been reversed to maintain anonymity, integrity and scalability}

the connection has a bits-n-pieces of offers to bundle! these days, almost everything in life is "bundling wat u want". n I got this unlimited loc n nat SMS for 75 Rs/month.... otherwise, loc sms = 1 n nat sms = 2... so, my calculation is that I need to send at the least 45 loc sms and 15 nat sms.. then, I felt that I may nto have sent 15 nat so, I tried achieving 75 sms! then, I felt sms shud be charged onlee 50 ps. n went for a target of 150. I then realised that the prepaid connection had 100 free sms daily for Re1. wtf! so, I shud make at least 250 sms daily.... am trying hard.... and am somewhat achioeving it!

the moral is that I want the palammozhi (not pazhamozhi; pala paeru sonnadhaala pala mozhi) to be changed from "freeyaa kodutha pheneola kooda kudippaan" to "malivaa kodutha ... "

ok, do me a favor now: leave Ur mobile no so I cud achieve my SMS targets every month :-)