Monday, July 30, 2007

the dog medicine...

most of us would have heard this story... but lemme spell-phrase again as otherwise my blog would look small :-) A guy (why not a gal?) is pretty frustrated about life. He cribs more than ever and the more he cribs, the worse he feels. He approaches a mental Dr (like an eye dr): sage. He complains how everything and everyone in his life are so bad and that his worth of living isnt > 0. The sage tries to chill down the guy "Dude, kewl it man! Every dog has its day...", etc but in vain. Then, he tries his 'phiolosophy' mode "Life is like banana; it is upto you to eat the skin or the pulp! Mind is like a apple; you can consume it either as it or you can make juice and drink it! People are like umbrellas; they can shelter you from both sun and rain! ...", etc and all it did to our HERO is yawwwwwwnnnn...

So, then the sage used his wits to 'satisfy' our Hero's ego "Take this holy water. This is the right medicine for your illness of distress; but dont forget to NOT think about dogs when you consume it". Our hero was now pretty confident that he is going to live better. Most times, its not the solution that matters but the packaging which sells, haha! And then, he started the medicine course but failed miserably... he had to fail and that was the sage's solution? might it be? everytime, he prepared to consume the medicine, he remembered to forget dogs... ya, he remembered but missed to realise that he has remembered dogs in course of remembering to forget dogs... He could never succeed!

This is the familiar story which everybody must be knowing already! Ok, I have a solution for our hero to 'successfully' follow the medicine course! So, am continuing this story with an extended ending of my own.... Dont look for any morals. Just a bit of quirky thinking, thats it!
So, the guy goes back to the sage and vents his frustration of not being able to follow the course as prescribed. Now, the sage answers "Ok; Looks like that the medicine is too heavy dose for your mental conditions. So, here... Take this holy water. This is the right medicine for your illness of distress; but dont forget to think about cows when you consume it". It worked... in the sense, our Hero was able to follow the course 'successfully'... everytime he remembered to think of the cow and slowly... unconsciously, never missed to 'not remember' the dog!

formal notice to enforce formals....

2day was jus one another of those killing Mondays! I hate Mondays, Fridays, and those days which come n go between those 2 days, hmm... With an ever-usual 'pick-the-topmost-outfit-in-the-shelf' pratice, I wore this 1/2 slack green shirt with minute greenish yellow checks all over. And ho hum, my pant was coincidentally matching (not in terms of look but by color): it was a greyish whitish greenish some-colorish, whatver! I managed to drag I (somewhere I read that there is no word 'myself' in inglipees) to the bus-stop on this rainy day... I was just wondering why I need to tuck in my shirt and wear formal (leather-based?) shoes on a rainy day... I swayed away from these thoughts when Avasara Kozhi 008 (Hello FM 8 AM) Shanmugapriya kicked off her bloh bloh blohs as always with a Thirukkural....

The bus reached office after some delays to the '''wonderful''' (sarcasm, or rather bluntness intended!!!) roads that have some of the best IT offices of Asia or even the world! As I debus (like deplane, detrain), I notice the dirty shoes of most guys... and am proud that I am right in never polishing my shoes :-) The daily routine started as usual... with the official work... the basics... checking mails! Starting off with yahoo (3 mailboxes), hotmail (2 mailboxes), mail, etc and doing a round of what the world was yesterday and would be today on msn, rediff, sify, google, etc and then some random spotting of wikipedia on political history notes and then managing to read carefully every word of articles on cricinfo especially cos India has a strong hold of the Test match in England.... ya ya and then I did logon to my official mailbox, just to ensure that it doesnt get full leading to bouncing of mails which would make it obvious to senders that I dont care a damn to their mails, haha!

Ok, I have finally arrived to the subject:-)I see this mail from our HR as about attire guidelines!!! I wanted to laugh out loud but feared being tagged / spotted as a "hehe". The guidleines points the must to wear full sleeves formal shirts which need to be either solids, pin stripes or checks. Arent all shirts solids? Ive never had the opportunity to see a liquid or gaseous shirt! Whatever... The footwear is 'formal shoes and socks'. I am really interested to know how they would spot the absence of sock(s); also, why worry about sock (inner wear?) when shoes are present when there was no mention about the corresponding of a shirt / pant! Whatsoever! Thats about for Mon-Thu for men. Hmm, so there is no mention about a watch, Thank whichever God you believe in... For fridays, there is a relax (as they consider 'cAsUaL'): collar neck t-shirts, corduary pants, jeans and some variety of shoes too... My question is about the need for collared t-shirts? What is about collar t-shirts? and a peep into the next column (for ladies while I fall under the 'gentlemen', eheh) I do find "collar/round neck t-shirts" ahhaaaa!! again, whatever!

And then, there is a next section which lists "NO-NO" items which comrpises of words like 'flamboyant', 'jingle', 'Extreme fashion', 'see-through clothing', 'low necklines', 'worn, torn, wrinkled', 'Extreme hairstyles', etc. Ukkaandhu yosippaangalo? A couple more which deserve exclusive dissection are 'No visible body piercing other than pierced ears or nose'... so, one can have umpteen piercings on the ear but even the smallest spot on the lip or eyebrow is banned! and about the nose, would it be fine to hang the piercing of the septum? and am very much amused by the mention of the word 'visible'! ok, wherever whatever! And then there was this point 'offensive tattoos are required to keep them covered'... whatever that means? all permanent tattoos are offensive cos they cause so much pain to be drawn out on the body skin. In a very flat wide world, I am just waiting for the day when a HR would run into someone having a tattoo which says "Peace War or Oil Terrorists?"

That was followed by a section which very very very generically speaks about wow wow wow bow bow bow aspects like 'personal hygiene', skirt length, etc. Good there was no mention about the oz of body spray mandated to be used in the absence of the morning shower! whatver! A mention about how violators would be prosecuted completed the 'guideline' document and like most '* Conditions Apply' ads, there was this smaller-font-bold disclaimer that the document was not a policy but just an indicator!!! whatever that means now!

somehow, this document has made me yawn (not that i would have been brisk otherwise) and sigh as always "what(ever) a crap!

Friday, July 27, 2007

tami(zh)la kaappaathungo...

my amma-naakku is thamizh... India has ivvvvvvvvvvvvvloooo languages, avvvvvvvvloooooo customs, ivvvvvvvvvvlooooo castes, etc., etc. So much of diversion. I can bet my arse that I can kick off an argument between any 2 Indians based on some difference: sex, caste, religion, state, language, generation, race, skin color, profession, etc. Ok, now I should obviously follow up with the self-proclaimed not-so-false pride that "We Indians still live in peace and harmony (blah) (blah)...". With all this trailer lines, I wanna write about Tamil, my thaaimozhi....

Tamil is a dravidian language and certainly not a fruit of the Indo-European branch of the language tree... And then, as always. there is some kind of history... like verrry old (kal thondri man thondraa kaalathirku mun thondri... apdeeyae thondi thondi neraya kinaru irukku thamilnaatula), rich grammar, literature like namma thiruvalluvar (this guy is really awesome man! daily 1 blog eludhavae semma kadiyaa irukku enakku. this dude has managed to collate info abt various aspects of life and write 133 blog posts, each having solid 10 points!!!), development of the language by kings n poets, academies, etc.

ok, so wat big deal now? We tamilians are certainly pretty sensitive about the language. Lets not try dissecting the reasons for it but thats how it is. Some pointers are the Hindi baashavukku naama kodutha gooja, etc. There is a constant cries of foul by self-proclaimed (not sarcastic but in the real sense, they are self-proclaimed; they cud be true patriots too, I dunt know!) tamil patriots that the language is being invaded, raped, diluted, roasted, eroded, punctured, polluted, etc., etc. So, my 2day's blog is abt this {oru valiyaa I came 2 the topic. Blog eludhumbodhu, edho Tamil padam mudhal kaatchi maari enakku oru nenappu varum; adhaan, ivlo izhuvai hehe :-)}

so, is there a real threat to the language as such? Yes. But not as much as shouted. To me, anything to sutain the compulsions of time, has to be flexible. My dad has been offlate 'proud' to have discovered (identified?) that the only thing which hasnt/cant/wont change is NUMBERS and I am kind of convinced by his claim. On similar school of thought, a language has to be flexible to accomodate the usage to live. Tamil has been quite successful on this front. But, there is also a case of the language loosing thyself if its too flexible. Tamil has again scored good points in this factor too. So, my view is that Tamil needs to be flexible to accomodate the letters sha, fa, etc. The very idea of measuring the purity of a language by its originality is cumbersome. Like, lets take an example. Tamil has the letter cha but not sa. And there is a very clear mention about the pronounciation of this letter based on its presence in the beginning/middle/ending of a word. It has to be cha (not sa, sha, or nething else) when it starts a word. eg. chennai (cannot be pronounced as sennai). Good rule of grammar I should say... but never is there a rule which says that new letters should not be added to the language. There was no need to utter fa, sha, etc in the days when Tamil grammar was framed and therefore, they are missing. Some tamil (k)aavalar can very well point me if there is any such mention that new letters be not allowed and I shall oblige...

How to negate the threat? Use more tamil words. adhukkaaga senthamizhla urayaatranumnu arthamilla. lets take an example

"innikku morning, kultchi ready aaga late aanadhunaala, bussa miss pannittaen; so, bikeladhaan office ponaen"

I suggest that it be told as

"innikku kaalaila, kulichi kelamba neram aanadhunaala, bussa pudikka mudeela; aproam bikeladhaan velaikku ponaen"

while most tamil (k)aavalars shout that the phrase need to be spoken as

"indru kaalai, neeraadi thayaaraavadharku thaamadham aagiyadhaal, perundhil chella iyala villai; pinbu thullundhildhaan aluvalagathukku chendraen"

When some1 excerts that the last phrase be used, it almost gives a feeling of "oh, cmon now! is that gonna be possible?". So, I suggest that it would be better to advise and encourage avoiding English n Sanskrit n other language words rather than stressing that only senthamizh be spoken. Then, we could aim for senthamizh at a later era.

A few more suggestions:

  • Converse in tamil to answer tele-calls like pizza ordering, credit card companies, etc
  • Converse in tamil in banks, supermarkets, shops, etc
  • Answer in tamil even when questioned in inglipees on roads, bus-stops, public places. Most important is to not reduce your volume by feeling shy!
  • Try convincing aunts and uncles to get their kids fluent in Tamil. Most parents are ready to listen to their akka / anna payan / ponnus than some tamil (political) leader shouting over a mic about the need to teach tamil to children
  • Pick 5 (or how much ever) non-tamil words that you often use daily and try to phase them out of your collochial dictionary
  • Do not ridicule or look down upon people who speak tamil. Especially gals... pls help erase the image (false?) that "Speaking inglipees is kewwwlllllll"

"Udal mannukku

uyir thamizhukku

idhai urakka solvoam ulagirku"

indha alavukkuillanaalum...

koranjadhu, irukkara uyirayaavadhu 'edukkaama' / 'edukka vidaama' kaappaathuvoam!!!

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Project execution: Toilet

RFP from customer:I have this piece of land on the ECR road... and I have managed to build a small hut but with no electricity or sanitation. Need a proposal to meet my nature calls... i mean I need proposal to build a toilet...Mind that I hardly spend time out here (around an hour / month) and it is only for me (i come here alone)

Proposal from IT firm: We, Attagasam IT Solutions, are the best in market in providing toilet solutions. We provide a whole package and have 23 years of expertise in handling different types of toilets. That we are aware of the growing needs for toilets and keeping with the latest trends, we propose the following "complete package":
a) an A/C to keep the toilet-user 'cool'
b) a customizable toilet which can be expanded or shrinked based on user's size of butts and urgency
c) an option to change from western-style to bombay-style to sengal-style
d) a button to choose either paper / water for washing
e) a lever to choose the thickness of the paper if paper was chosen as the option
f) an eco-friendly recycling system to reuse both the water and the paper
g) a perfume spray mechanism to negate the smell of the burgers n pakkodas eaten that day
h) latest ipod system with Bose speakers to 'chill' the constipatinggggg user

The above world class total package shall be done at 1,00,000 $*
* - Any other facilities can be added on the request of the user, at additional cost.

Customer's reply:What??? 1,00,000$ for a toilet?
Attagaasam IT Solutions' Marketing Dept:Actually, you have a got a very good offer since we are designing these packages for multiple clients and everyone is full of praise. We also provide 24X7 support. And I can also get you a free add-on of "Car Parking" facility inside the toilet!
Customer:Car-parking inside toilet??? hmm, watvr. ok go ahead. Atleast, I can boast of the best toilet in the world.

{After hectic schedules, the project is over. Now, its time for UAT - User Acceptance testing}

Attagasam IT Solutions' Project Leader for Toilet Project:So, this is a demo to show the usage of the toilet... Here is the A/C. There is the paper-button, water-lever, iPOD, perfume spray, recycling system, blah blah blah....
Customer: so, can I use it now?
PL: Ya, but U shud get the water connection done...
Customer: What??? Why the hell should I pay for you 1,00,000$ then?
PL: Sorry, but I think you are new to this business... Anyway, we could 'assist' you for the same!

{Water connection is obtained; Customer inspects the facilities...}
--> the A/C has been fitted reverse that it blows cold air outside
--> the iPOD is fixed permanently on the wall that it can never be charged

{Finally, frustrated, the customer looks for the toilet and he isnt able to find it}

Customer: where is the toilet?
PL: There it is {points to the wall}{The toilet has been fitted on the wall about 8 feet from the ground}
Customer: what??? why is the toilet on the wall? It needs to be on the floor? grrrhhhhhhh
PL: {Opens his laptop and points to some document...} See, the requirement doesnt state this. and you have signed off on the requirments... Still, that we would provide maintenance, we can always work out some kinda of stairs / elevator for you to use it with ease!

Toilet Project is contributing 25% of annual revenue for Attagaasam IT solutions every year!

freeya kedatchaa pheneola kooda...

returned frm US. need a mobile in Chn, India. take a prepaid SIm frm my gal... slash it for temporary usage! research (summa reason for time consumed...) for the best connection, n then I have taken a Coporate SCT connection from TelAir {Hehe, names have been reversed to maintain anonymity, integrity and scalability}

the connection has a bits-n-pieces of offers to bundle! these days, almost everything in life is "bundling wat u want". n I got this unlimited loc n nat SMS for 75 Rs/month.... otherwise, loc sms = 1 n nat sms = 2... so, my calculation is that I need to send at the least 45 loc sms and 15 nat sms.. then, I felt that I may nto have sent 15 nat so, I tried achieving 75 sms! then, I felt sms shud be charged onlee 50 ps. n went for a target of 150. I then realised that the prepaid connection had 100 free sms daily for Re1. wtf! so, I shud make at least 250 sms daily.... am trying hard.... and am somewhat achioeving it!

the moral is that I want the palammozhi (not pazhamozhi; pala paeru sonnadhaala pala mozhi) to be changed from "freeyaa kodutha pheneola kooda kudippaan" to "malivaa kodutha ... "

ok, do me a favor now: leave Ur mobile no so I cud achieve my SMS targets every month :-)

bore adikkudhu!

  • sometimes am too tired (lazy?) to be busy and end up feeling bored, even when I have 101+ items on my 'ToDo' list... these days, am totally bored!!!

  • my craze for systematic execution of even the smallest task has significantly contributed to the snail-pace of my activities...

  • too positive to get frustrated has in fact worked negative in the shorter version ___ wait wait wait! wtf, all thats passing by is perfect cos there are worse probable possibilities; so, no more cribbings! unless, I can clearly come out with "when", "why", "how much", etc for a crib!

mothathula kaduppaaa irukku, but my positive-mindset is too synthesized (artificially?!?) to digest the kaduppu. my righteous-mindset (infused?) is too emoted to puke it either. "prolly, this kaduppu wud be made part of my soul" apdeenu edhuna ularittu 'situationa face pannoamla' apdeenu udhaar vittu thiriyadhaan manasu yaengudhu!